Friday, August 24, 2007
i feel great and so lovedd aft mtg up with THE SPECIAL ONES tonight =DD; namely michiefishie, krystle-lovey-dovey, cat-meow-meow, vera-talk-alot-and-quickly and random-stef :))..
though it was a very simple bday celeb at carl's junior, i just felt so at ease, i could talk about ANYTHING on my mind, i could voice out the most random comments ever, i didnt need to bother about sounding stupid or no link, and there wasnt a single ounce of "empty feeling" at all!
actually what i meant in the 3rd last para of the previous entry was that, actually since the start of sch, somehow ive been feeling some kinda "empty feeling", as though sth was missing in my life, as cliche as it may sound.. (and NO it's not cos i dont have a bf -_-)
the initial thought was that i didnt have any friends, but on deeper thought, i kinda DO have alot friends (just based on MY measurements), and i think im really fortunate to be able to have friends in every class that im preassigned to this sem :).. plus friends who will call aft lesson, or the day before to arrange lunch dates, or just to hang out etc.. so ya, im not a lonely outcast, even since the first day of school =D!
(even then, i think ive kinda passed the stage where i feel like a loser whenever im alone in sch, though that's another story altogether haha)
but somehow, i still feel kinda.. detached? i cant really explain it aptly.. also, since the start of school, i think ive become internally more unaccepting and critical of pple ive met etc =X.. maybe i was alr like that during my ultra long hols, but i wouldnt know, since i barely met many new pple during the hols haha..
and by saying "more unaccepting and critical", I MEAN IT. if you were there during the dinner, i did MEGA bitching la, seriously.
as far-fetched as it may sound, a part of me feels that maybe it's cos im kinda unholy now, like previously i used to pray for virtues like patience, being tolerant, accepting etc, but i dont do it anm haha =X.. but then again aft watching Evan Almighty that day, what struck me the most was that God said that He gives us opportunities to nurture the virtues that we pray for, instead of immediately bestowing it on us.. haha okay nvm that was random, whateverly haha..
so ANW, i tried to decipher where this "empty feeling" was coming from.. and aft that fantastic and heartwarming dinner with THE SPECIAL ONES, i think it's a feeling among us that i dont experience in smu, and that's prob what's lacking! i know i sound kinda paranoid cos aft all it's only the first wk of school, but the prob is i think it's not really sth where time will help matters..
there's this thing about circumstantial friendship, and all my life up till jc i could nv understand how pple could survive purely on such friendships, and i guess it has nv occured to me to put myself under that category, cos i dont exactly agree with it.. but ALAS! i think im acting just like that now.. and the feeling sucks, cos i kinda dont have a desire to thoroughly get to know and be true friends with pple, and that seriously horrifies me!! im quite disgusted with myself as a matter of fact, leaving me feeling so contradictory and lost..
it's not as serious as it sounds la, but im not exaggerating.. it didnt feel like that in rj la! though i couldnt adapt well initially.. this time smu just doesnt feel like a sch =X.. for now at least.. well i hope things will get better eh?
and on another random note, honestly, i dont mind pple suaning me to provide entertainment for the friends arnd, but sometimes, excessive suaning or everyone suanning about diff things throughout the day is just too much to bear you know?? just makes me feel so stupid, that im so easily manipulated and i feel like a downright idiot esp when each time the suannings are in front of different random strangers.. SUCKS BIG TIME OKAY so yes, enough. please.
but NO WORRIES! the above angsty feelings will disappear/be hidden by tmr morning! hehe!!
im just so totally in love with THE SPECIAL ONES now :)... awww biggg hugs haha.. and i love all my other goodie friends out there too! muacks!!
(btw i am soooo dead la.. it's like 1.39am and i have 830am class tmr, but my hair is still wet! full blown smuggers need to slp early to have sufficient energy to be enthusiastic and attentive in class!! hehe!)
though it was a very simple bday celeb at carl's junior, i just felt so at ease, i could talk about ANYTHING on my mind, i could voice out the most random comments ever, i didnt need to bother about sounding stupid or no link, and there wasnt a single ounce of "empty feeling" at all!
actually what i meant in the 3rd last para of the previous entry was that, actually since the start of sch, somehow ive been feeling some kinda "empty feeling", as though sth was missing in my life, as cliche as it may sound.. (and NO it's not cos i dont have a bf -_-)
the initial thought was that i didnt have any friends, but on deeper thought, i kinda DO have alot friends (just based on MY measurements), and i think im really fortunate to be able to have friends in every class that im preassigned to this sem :).. plus friends who will call aft lesson, or the day before to arrange lunch dates, or just to hang out etc.. so ya, im not a lonely outcast, even since the first day of school =D!
(even then, i think ive kinda passed the stage where i feel like a loser whenever im alone in sch, though that's another story altogether haha)
but somehow, i still feel kinda.. detached? i cant really explain it aptly.. also, since the start of school, i think ive become internally more unaccepting and critical of pple ive met etc =X.. maybe i was alr like that during my ultra long hols, but i wouldnt know, since i barely met many new pple during the hols haha..
and by saying "more unaccepting and critical", I MEAN IT. if you were there during the dinner, i did MEGA bitching la, seriously.
as far-fetched as it may sound, a part of me feels that maybe it's cos im kinda unholy now, like previously i used to pray for virtues like patience, being tolerant, accepting etc, but i dont do it anm haha =X.. but then again aft watching Evan Almighty that day, what struck me the most was that God said that He gives us opportunities to nurture the virtues that we pray for, instead of immediately bestowing it on us.. haha okay nvm that was random, whateverly haha..
so ANW, i tried to decipher where this "empty feeling" was coming from.. and aft that fantastic and heartwarming dinner with THE SPECIAL ONES, i think it's a feeling among us that i dont experience in smu, and that's prob what's lacking! i know i sound kinda paranoid cos aft all it's only the first wk of school, but the prob is i think it's not really sth where time will help matters..
there's this thing about circumstantial friendship, and all my life up till jc i could nv understand how pple could survive purely on such friendships, and i guess it has nv occured to me to put myself under that category, cos i dont exactly agree with it.. but ALAS! i think im acting just like that now.. and the feeling sucks, cos i kinda dont have a desire to thoroughly get to know and be true friends with pple, and that seriously horrifies me!! im quite disgusted with myself as a matter of fact, leaving me feeling so contradictory and lost..
it's not as serious as it sounds la, but im not exaggerating.. it didnt feel like that in rj la! though i couldnt adapt well initially.. this time smu just doesnt feel like a sch =X.. for now at least.. well i hope things will get better eh?
and on another random note, honestly, i dont mind pple suaning me to provide entertainment for the friends arnd, but sometimes, excessive suaning or everyone suanning about diff things throughout the day is just too much to bear you know?? just makes me feel so stupid, that im so easily manipulated and i feel like a downright idiot esp when each time the suannings are in front of different random strangers.. SUCKS BIG TIME OKAY so yes, enough. please.
but NO WORRIES! the above angsty feelings will disappear/be hidden by tmr morning! hehe!!
im just so totally in love with THE SPECIAL ONES now :)... awww biggg hugs haha.. and i love all my other goodie friends out there too! muacks!!
(btw i am soooo dead la.. it's like 1.39am and i have 830am class tmr, but my hair is still wet! full blown smuggers need to slp early to have sufficient energy to be enthusiastic and attentive in class!! hehe!)
meli
blabbered at 12:31 AM