Tuesday, October 31, 2006
the past few days weeks MONTH has been quite terrible and unbearable.. almost every day i experience a panic attack for the things still undone!!
I AM SO FREAKING SCARED COS ALEVELS IS LIKE THE DAY AFTER TMR!
GP feels... i dunno. like i dunno what to expect? everything is dependent on the questions that i see on the paper on the actual day! and reading up for gp is HELL tiring and wordy and timeconsuming and half my brain is quite put off cos i might not even be able to use it for my essay in the end anw!
and studying just makes me feel... lonely? haha in a way... even though during the day i'll receive msgs from esp mich "updating" me abt her mugging life hehe BUT STILL? i think im in desperate need of someone to talk to who can calm my nerves (though i doubt i'll trust that person haha) yet he/she is not panicking over exams!!
AND I DONT THINK I CAN FINISH MUGGING IN TIME AND I STILL CANT DO SOME ALEVEL QUESTIONS NOT COUNTING CARELESS MISTAKES AND I DONT THINK ALEVEL PAPERS ARE AS EASY AS EVERYONE THINKS AND IM NOT SURE IF THERE'S STUFF IN MY BRAIN AFTER PRACTISING AND IM SCARED THAT I CANT SLEEP THE DAY BEFORE THE PAPERS AND I DONT THINK IVE MUGGED SUFFICIENTLY ENOUGH BUT I ALWAYS GET DISTRACTED ESPECIALLY BY THE TV EVERY NIGHT AND COMPARED TO OTHER PPLE I THINK IVE DONE CRAP LITTLE STUFF AT THE END OF THE DAY I ALWAYS FEEL SO SCARED AND JITTERY AND THIS LIST GOES ON....
yup.. and so today during mass i suddenly felt like crying during almost every hymn sung i dunno why... i guess i feel bad for "neglecting" God half the time and during times like this i SUDDENLY get the energy to finish my night prayer b4 K.O.-ing in bed =X..
ahhh IN CONCLUSION i am just VERY scared!! a part of me just wishes that i could be granted more time to make myself more prepared (though im not sure if i'll be able to make efficient use of that time)..
u know every time i switch on the tv and look at the PSI reading a small part of me still wishes that it hits 400? though now it's normally missing one ZERO at the back haha.. then at least alevels would be postponed due to the very terrible weather conditions! but that's just another of my daydreams =X...
AT THE SAME TIME i cant wait for alevels to be over (but feeling good about it in the end of course)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! vivocity here i come! step up here i come! MANY OTHER THINGS symbolising freedom HERE I COME! :)
but for now, back to feeling scared =X. good night everyone it's late i must prepare myself for bed haha..
I AM SO FREAKING SCARED COS ALEVELS IS LIKE THE DAY AFTER TMR!
GP feels... i dunno. like i dunno what to expect? everything is dependent on the questions that i see on the paper on the actual day! and reading up for gp is HELL tiring and wordy and timeconsuming and half my brain is quite put off cos i might not even be able to use it for my essay in the end anw!
and studying just makes me feel... lonely? haha in a way... even though during the day i'll receive msgs from esp mich "updating" me abt her mugging life hehe BUT STILL? i think im in desperate need of someone to talk to who can calm my nerves (though i doubt i'll trust that person haha) yet he/she is not panicking over exams!!
AND I DONT THINK I CAN FINISH MUGGING IN TIME AND I STILL CANT DO SOME ALEVEL QUESTIONS NOT COUNTING CARELESS MISTAKES AND I DONT THINK ALEVEL PAPERS ARE AS EASY AS EVERYONE THINKS AND IM NOT SURE IF THERE'S STUFF IN MY BRAIN AFTER PRACTISING AND IM SCARED THAT I CANT SLEEP THE DAY BEFORE THE PAPERS AND I DONT THINK IVE MUGGED SUFFICIENTLY ENOUGH BUT I ALWAYS GET DISTRACTED ESPECIALLY BY THE TV EVERY NIGHT AND COMPARED TO OTHER PPLE I THINK IVE DONE CRAP LITTLE STUFF AT THE END OF THE DAY I ALWAYS FEEL SO SCARED AND JITTERY AND THIS LIST GOES ON....
yup.. and so today during mass i suddenly felt like crying during almost every hymn sung i dunno why... i guess i feel bad for "neglecting" God half the time and during times like this i SUDDENLY get the energy to finish my night prayer b4 K.O.-ing in bed =X..
ahhh IN CONCLUSION i am just VERY scared!! a part of me just wishes that i could be granted more time to make myself more prepared (though im not sure if i'll be able to make efficient use of that time)..
u know every time i switch on the tv and look at the PSI reading a small part of me still wishes that it hits 400? though now it's normally missing one ZERO at the back haha.. then at least alevels would be postponed due to the very terrible weather conditions! but that's just another of my daydreams =X...
AT THE SAME TIME i cant wait for alevels to be over (but feeling good about it in the end of course)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! vivocity here i come! step up here i come! MANY OTHER THINGS symbolising freedom HERE I COME! :)
but for now, back to feeling scared =X. good night everyone it's late i must prepare myself for bed haha..
meli
blabbered at 11:54 PM